When the lils were littler we were in charge. We guided them to sleep, we chose what they ate, and brought them where ever we wanted them to go. It was a pretty good life all around. We were happy and they were happy. I also got sucked in, and thought that this was going to be how it worked. I was so wrong.
Since Willy has been away for the last week, I have noticed that there has been an ever so subtle shift in the balance of power in this house. I not only no longer make the rules, but I have to abide by the rules that Woo and Goose set. I also have to guess when they apply. If they apply. Where they apply. Who they apply to… A sample of the new rules:
- Getting dressed is completely up to them. If we have to go out or have friends coming over, getting dressed will take approximately one hour and will only occur once I promise that the return to jammies can occur within seconds of returning home/guests departing. If we have nowhere to go I will to wake them and find them dressed.
- Anything that I suggest they wear is wrong.
- No socks with pips on the bottom, because they stop you from sliding. Turning the socks inside out is no longer acceptable, as it stops your feet from sliding around in the socks.
- No matter when meals/snacks are served, they are fifteen minutes too late. The meals are to hot/cold/warm/cooked/raw, and three seconds after being served both children are full.
- There is never enough milk poured into the glass until approximately 1.5 seconds before it is spilled.
- I am not allowed to assist Goose in any way with the potty, unless it is to clean up after the times that she has either a) run towards me to tell me that she needs to pee and that I am not allowed to help her and she pees on the floor, or 2*) she can’t get her pants undone fast enough without help and pees on the floor.
- Woo MUST help with making coffee, unless of course you offer to have him help. Either way it’s the end of the world.
- Only one person is allowed on ANY set of stairs at a given time, which makes trips from upstairs to the basement really l o n g. This rule doesn’t apply if they want to race around the house shoving each other up and down the stairs.
- We no longer speak to each other, only shrieking is allowed.
- Bedtime is a loosely defined concept that has a margin of error of +/- two hours.
- No baths. Ever. (I am actually ok with this one, baths are Willy’s
This regime change may just do me in.
*she is being especially contrary with this rule*