It is fitting that the last day of 2010 started out with me cleaning vomit out of one child’s bed, and pee out of the other’s. It’s like they were puking and pissing all over the last day of the year, something that I wish I could have done too. As far as years go, last year was especially crappy. Crappy for me, for Willy, for his family, my family, our friends. I hate that I cried almost every day last year, and that I can barely remember any good memories, they are so clouded by the bad.
Willy and I were talking to friends last night, and were pressed to come up with the best thing about the year. We were able to pin that down fairly quickly, with both of us agreeing that my brother and sister-in-law’s wedding in Jamaica was wonderful. I am so glad that they got married (after twenty-two years!!!), that it was in Jamaica, and that they wanted us all to be there. It was a great trip for us all, one that we often talk about as a family. The trip brought my extended family together, something that has rarely happened since. The relationships that my mother has with all three of her children are disjointed and dysfunctional at best. It hurts me to see that she is hurting all of us, and that she won’t take a step back to look at how her words and actions hurt everyone, but especially my siblings and their families, who have also had difficult and crappy years. I’ve tried to play peacemaker, tried not caring, tried talking to her… None has worked, and have left me sadder and have damaged my relationship with my siblings and their spouses.
The lowest point of our year was when we lost Willy’s Dad, after an eighteen month battle with cancer. It was rough on all of us, particularly in the last few months when we were here, and his family was in Toronto. We made lots of road trips, but not enough. I don’t wish that on anyone, watching someone who you love slowly lose their fight with cancer. It’s still very raw. Sadly, two of Willy’s closest friends lost their fathers shortly after, then one of those same friends lost the Uncle who had raised him. It was hard watching their families go through the same sadness that we were still going through.
The lils and I spent much of the first four months of the year sick. They caught everything that was going, and managed to pass most on to me. I lost count, but Woo had croup at least eight times and Goose twice between January and March, meaning many a sleepless night for all of us. They also had their fair share of ear infections, lung infections, a bout of Roseola for Goose and an asthma diagnosis for Woo. The late winter and early spring was not fun in this house. It is too bad that our doctor, the pharmacy and the after-hours clinic don’t give out loyalty points, as we were frequent fliers. I have gotten to the point where I flinch every time one of the lils sneezes or coughs, expecting the sickness to return.
We had our fair share of injuries this year, from my spectacularly awesome ability to not catch a ball and end up with a broken nose, to Woo’s myriad of head injuries, including one the other night where he fell off the couch into the glass coffee table, Willy’s herniated disk in his back and separated shoulder, and the time that Woo sent Goose to the hospital after pushing her over in her highchair. She didn’t suffer any great injury, but it left a lasting impression on me.
My job has also been a source of stress and unhappiness, not because I am unhappy in my job, but because the agency that I work for is without core, sustaining funding. Instead of helping people, one of my top priorities is now finding projects and grants that can be used to help us carry out our work and keep our doors open. It is not fulfilling, and makes going to work suck some days.
I am not going to pin my hopes on 2011 being a better year, but I am going to slam the door on 2010. There is very little that I want to look back on, so I am going to move forward and build on the positives in my life. Willy and I are happy. We have a wonderful little family that amuses and amazes us daily. My extended family is still very much in my life, and I do love having them there. I have good friends who care for and support me, for which I am grateful. Thanks to twitter and some local blogs that I read, I have met some wonderful people who I would not have otherwise met, and that is both great and cool. I have also rediscovered a love of taking pictures, and this will continue to be my escape and my favourite hobby. You won’t see me complaining about last year anymore though, as I am locking the door on all this crappy stuff.