I cried myself to sleep last night

My father-in-law is sick. He has been fighting cancer for a little over a year now, and he is not winning that battle. We arrived at my in-laws yesterday and I was shocked at his appearance. We were here a month ago and he looked good! Really good, better than he had since he his diagnosis. Yesterday he was tired, pale, thin, and weak looking. I know it might just be that this latest round of chemo has just kicked him in the ass, but I know it might be that the cancer is winning. He was holding his own, and even winning a few rounds, but now I am not sure.

I am afraid. Afraid for him, for my mother-in-law, for Willy and his brothers, and for the kids. I have always had an “interesting” relationship with him, but I am not ready for this. I don’t want to lose him, for all of us to lose him. This is the first visit that we have had since this crappy fight started that I feel might be the last. I don’t really think that, but the thought has occured to me in passing.

I hate cancer.

UPDATE: I still hate cancer, but am feeling better about my FIL.  He is sick, but has a lot of fight in him.  I know that a good attitude is really important, and he has that on most days.  New chemo was started right after we left, and we can hope that this is the right mixture for him, the one that will knock it into remission.

About lilbunnyrabbitz

Ottawa mom to two crazy little peeps, wife to my favourite geek. More on me later.
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